Home Sweet Home

Last weekend I attended a marriage course in Melbourne, title 'Home Sweet Home'. It was run by the Al Kauthar Institute and delivered by Sheikh Alaa Elsayed. The aim of the course was to encourage couples to be more proactive in their marriages, rather than wait for problems to occur or the more usual approach, assume 'happily ever after'.

It was a valuable course and I learnt alot. The lessons could be applied to any marriage or preparation for marraige, not just Islamic ones. Islamic sources were used to help reinforce the points being made, since the course was being conducted for Muslims.

The venue was a university lecture theater which was well setup for interaction between the lecturer and the students. The atmosphere was very easy-going, but sensitive issues were given the respect it deserved. Women were encouraged to speak as well, not that they needed much encouragement. Unfortunately, there are some sects of Islam that believe even a womans voice should not be heard since it might seduce men. It was made clear early on that Al Kauthur Institute did not subscribe to this point of view. The only problem was the lecturer. Being Canadian, he had a bit of trouble understanding the Australian accent :P.

This trailer was produced to advertise the course, so it's a good description of what the course is about.

The approach to that they used was different to any other lecture series that I've listened to about marriage. Most take the approach that if you know your rights then you can claim it and all will be well. The approach for the 'Home Sweet Home' course came from the opposite direction. It tells you what your duties are as a husband or wife, because if you do your duty, there will be no need for anyone to claim their rights. It also put a bit more pressure on men to do their part. My sister described it as a more western style of presentation, which suits us living in western countries. It gels with the culture, while remaining true to the religion.

The case studies were interesting and relevant to minority Muslim communities. It allowed some of the knowledge to be put into practice, and also hinted at what the next chapter would be about. A case study for everyone was presented, not a case study for men and a case study for women. This made the differences between the way men and women perceive the same situation clear.

The Q&A sessions were very good. It allowed attendees to clear up issues they had, and also to ask some questions that were not addressed at all. Some were rather serious and sensitive, like one woman asking (anonymously) if she should reveal to her fiance that she has had an abortion previously. Most were the typically direct questions Australians tend to ask, like 'Is it ok to talk dirty while being intimate with your spouse?'

During breaks the instructor made himself available for ppl to ask more personal questions. He had mentioned before about long distance relationships rarely working and that he doesn't recommend them. This got me a little bit worried, but he had also said that it works sometimes, though not often. I went to him during one of these breaks, explained our situation to him and asked if he had any advice for us to make our relationship successful. His advice was to keep the long distance part as short as possible.

At the end of the course I was happy I had found Liyana. Using the course methods, we are highly compatible. We've also discussed many of the topics we should have been discussing before marriage already. When we have these discussions, we also come to a conclusion that is almost the same as their ideal solutions.

I've still got to write an exam to be able to say I passed the course. I've not received the exam date yet. As part of my preparation, I'd like to share the lessons learnt on this blog in a few posts. The best way to learn and remember something is to teach it. Insyallah, we can all teach and learn from each other.