I can't help but be British right now

Let's be British and talk about the weather for a change. For the past couple of weeks, and without fail, i've been complaining talking about the weather. In Singapore, during the day, the weather is so scorching hot that I don't even want to leave my room. During the night, it gets really warm that I perspire in my sleep, and eventually I end up using the air-con.  In Shanghai, China my friend (Usha) told me the weather is really really cold!

In Melbourne, Muhsin told me despite having a weather of 25 degrees celsius, they are also having hailstorms! 

Effects of global warming is in our face ladies and gentlemen. According to my cousin, "it's never too late to save the environment". I hope that's true. For the sake of the people living in Singapore and weathering the scorching Sun, I hope that saying is true.

Update: Not only for the sake of people in Singapore, but also in other countries where heat or cold is unbearable.  

What would you do with $45 million?

I would:

• Retire (doesn't matter if i haven't even start working full-time yet!). 
• Fly to Tuscany and drive around Sicily with Muhsin in an ancient classic car of his choice. 
• Visit Venice before it sinks
• Ride a gondola with an Italian man with a thick mustache 'driving' it and sing some slow romantic Italian songs
• Go to the largest library in the world
• Meet and marry greet Hugh Jackman

Honestly, the list is endless. I wonder if any of you have a similar list. Muhsin was telling me a story of this acquaintance of his. Not only do I feel sheepish after hearing the full story but I felt really awed as well. I'll summarize the story and not wanting to disclose too much, i'll just call him Ali.

Ali bought a land in Melbourne 25 years back. It cost him about $300k and it was a form of investment. His wife didn't understand the point of the whole investment thing. Fast forward 25 years later, the property and the land that Ali bought is now worth...you guessed it. $45 million. 

I had to force myself to focus on what Muhsin was telling. The proceeds of the land and property will go into building an orphanage in Palestine and several shops near the orphanage. The purpose of having the mini businesses is to generate 'income' for the orphanage. Not only does he have a heart of gold, Ali is intelligent too.

Poverty and orphans still exist. And God bless people like Ali for wanting to help make a change. I applaud his move and him as a human being. May he be bless on earth and hereafter. Before we start being cynical or over-ambitious, let's face it- many of us do not have the capacity to pull an act like Ali. But maybe our purpose is different. I strongly believe that we're here to make a difference in someone else's life. Be it someone we know or just a stranger whom you happened to smile at as you walked past. We don't have to solve all the problems in the world. Just being there for someone counts for alot. Like the following that I got from Postsecrets:

At my college we have a bulletin board inspired by PostSecret. One day a photograph of a sunset was posted. Written across the photo in white ink it said "sometimes I wonder if anyone would care if I didn't wake up in the morning".


A few weeks later another photograph was posted. This was a photo of a sunrise. In white ink it said "yes, I would". . . I wish I could tell the person "thank-you" because the sunset was mine.

 A relative asked me what I was majoring in and I said Psychology. Her reaction? "Whoa. Everyday you'll have to listen to people's problems! Stress. Not only do you have to deal with stress in your own life, but that of others' as well. Good luck to you!" And that was said in a sarcastic tone.

It doesn't make sense now, but maybe in the future it will. It's a road that I've chosen to walk on and I intend to make it a meaningful one. If I can make a living and also save lives, why not.

Pic courtesy of Postsecrets 

But for now, it doesn't hurt to daydream about that 45 million bucks ;) 

Two Hours of Sanity

Last week was a bit crap. I was on 'after hours' support, which basically means I'm on call 24/7 for the week. And people do call at any time of the night. Plus, you do your usual 8 hour shift, which usually balloons out to 10 or 12 hours. Good thing they pay extra for the 'after hours' work.

Wednesday was one of those long 12 hour shifts. I finished at 19:30, sun down was 20:30 I was feeling rather tired. I hadn't eaten much all day, just grabbed a few biscuits between resolving issues. I'd also missed breakfast and forgot my lunch on the kitchen counter. I needed to take my laptop home as well, to deal with calls at night. It's not a super heavy laptop, but it's not light either.

Wednesday was also the day I had set aside to ride my bike back home. It would take about 2 hours, and I only had 1 hour of daylight left. Also, if it's going to take 2 hours, there's a good chance I'd get a call for help in that time. Fortunately, we work as a team and help each other out, cos it really sucks and knowing you can rely on your workmates is good. I could pass the problem onto them, but it was my turn to catch the crap at night, not theirs.

So I set off, knowing I have to hurry so I can get back onto the job sooner, and also because night was falling fast. I grabbed a muesli bar from the sweets tray, ate half of it and set off. That nagging feeling that the phone is going to ring at any second gnawing at the back of my head. I could take the train instead, but at this time of night it takes 2 hours as well. Decided riding home is a better use of my time.

First part of my ride home (or last part if going to the office) is the least fun part. Trucks whizzing past my elbow is not fun. I sometimes wish I had a video camera to record how close they pass by. It's insane.

At some point though, I stopped worrying about the phone, and started to enjoy the ride, and I remembered why I liked biking so much. It's my escape from the people, lets me clear my mind and think. And in the middle of a long week, after a long day, it was really needed.

I think I stopped caring about calls when I got stopped at a level crossing because one of those 1km long freight trains was passing through. In the car, they usually annoy me because they take ages to pass. Today, I just watched it go past, munching on what was left of the muesli bar.

Soon after that, I get to the start of the dedicated bike path. It goes through the light industrial area, lots of warehouses and factories and undeveloped land. Not many people, not very well lit, and my bike light is not really meant to light your path. It's just meant to alert drivers to your presence. But I need it on, some light is better than no light.

It was nice watching the sky change colors. Hues went from bright orange to a very rich dark blue. The moon came out early. It was just a thin crescent, very bright for the time of night. It's beautiful, and I think of Liyana and how much she'd like this, so I try to take a photo with my dreaded phone. It came out ok, my phone camera is not exactly designed for night photography..

I'm enjoying watching day turn to night, and seeing the stars start to make themselves visible, like someone pricking holes in a black sheet held up to a light. I don't have the equipment to record this, so I take mental photos.

Now I'm suddenly becoming creative again. There's a tunnel coming up and I know I'll get some nice photos from inside.

After this tunnel, I continue my ride. Besides watching the sky, I also have to watch for the rabbits running across the trail. Especially the little baby rabbits, they don't always run in a very clever manner, getting very close to being squashed a few times. Feral cats are also out, usually all you see are their eyes as the light catches it. They're vewy vewy quiet cos they hunting wabbits.

I'm also a little worried about snakes slithering about. We get warned about them, and one time also rode over a huge lizard. I thought it was a crack in the road until it moved. That was in daylight. The road is covered in cracks and in the dark, I can't tell if it's a live crack or a dead crack.

Birds worry me too, other people have lost bits of ear to the birds. It's like the birds are imitating an Alfred Hitchcock movie.

I get home at almost 10pm, and feel very awake. Which was good because not too long after I get home, the calls start coming in again. I'm being sucked back into the crap, but at least I escaped it for a few hours.

It seems I don't just need to be by myself and away from people to ground me and relax. I need to be in a natural environment too, preferably with some wild animals. It's not so easy to do find that in Melbourne. In Cape Town, I'd go every other weekend to the mountains. Tokai Forest to be exact. In that forest, you could really escape. You could sit for over an hour in a single spot, look out over the rest of the mountain range and not see or hear another human at all. The whole time you were there, usually 3 hours for myself, it was possible not to see another human soul. In the spring and summer months, you'd cross paths with troupes of baboons with curious baby baboons. Might sound cute but with 20 or so adult baboons ready to protect the baby, it wasn't exactly safe.

I found my escape from the rat race in Melbourne now. I just need to use it more often.

Acting smart and avoiding the bystander effect

Have you ever read in the news that someone was killed in town? Well, in that same piece of news, was it mentioned that there were alot of onlookers who did nothing to prevent the incident? This is called the 'bystander effect'. A situation whereby onlookers of an emergency do not offer help. It's a social psychological phenomenon. A rather sad one don't you think? I'm not judging because I've not witness such things thankfully. I think anyone caught in that situation of seeing someone getting beaten up would naturally fear for their own lives. They may have their reasons of why they did not intervene. It could be fear, it could be being in a state of shock and not knowing what to do, it could be a dozen reasons why. I've learned not to judge too quickly. 

I remember one time when Muhsin and I were debating about this one news article. There was a road accident involving two cars. In one car there were two old couple and in the other, a bunch of youths. If I remember correctly, the old couple's car overturned and they were were injured of course, but still alive. The article stated that the youths sat in one corner and called for help. One of them was even eating a hamburger. I was quick to say that those youngsters were incorrigible. Muhsin on the other hand was complaining how the writer was being one sided and paint the youngsters in a bad light and even mention how one of them was eating a hamburger. Naturally, I was puzzled as to why he appeared to be defending them. If those youngsters had tried to help overturning back the car of the old couple, they might actually aggravate the dire situation. Muhsin was right. The writer was biased as he/she didn't state from the point of view of those youngsters.   

Well, i'm not here to bore you with why our fellow human beings are such. However, I would like to share the knowledge of what we can do in the face of danger. Of course we can practice self-defense. Another piece of knowledge that may come in handy is the following. 

Research has shown that if you're being assaulted in public and there are many people as eyewitnesses, instead of just crying out for help, it is better that you point directly to someone in the crowd and yell at them to do something. For example, someone is dragging you and you're struggling to fend the person off but having trouble. You see people around you, you quickly point to someone in the crowd and say "You there! You're strong and tall, you can help me!!" 

It's like an instruction but one that you 'assure' the other person that they are capable or have the means to help you out. This way, it builds their confidence and they are likely to help you out. It is no guarantee that it will work but there's a higher chance of your life being saved. Of course if the person you initially pointed out hesitates, be quick and choose another person from the crowd! 

I hope we never have to be caught in such a situation. Nevertheless, I hope this piece of article is useful in sharing the information that my prof passed on to us. 

The lessons we learn from the good people in our life

As I sat there and pluck out the bottom ends of bean sprouts for my grams, a thought came to me. No matter how high we soar, no matter where we go and what we do in life, we always seem to find ourselves back to the good people or things in our life. 

I love spending time with my grandparents, as do all their grandchildren. They give me a sense of clarity, a sense of warmth that's hard to find elsewhere. When i'm there at their place, I get sucked into their world of no-sense-of-urgency. It feels good to be at ease, away from the rat race we call life. 

I'm quite lucky to still have my maternal grandparents. My paternal grandma passed away a decade ago and my paternal grandpa a few years after. But I have good memories of them both as I do my maternal ones. How they are fiercely protective of their grandchildren and shower us with much love...their behavior towards us their grandchildren is what shaped my perception of elderly. 

I grew up thinking old people are all nice, full of warmth and wisdom. Of course, along the way you kind of modify that image because not all old people are like that. My grandma is usually the sort who smiles at people on her way to the market. She is one sweet sweet woman. So I had this perception that old women would usually smile at you. Boy was I wrong. I remember complaining to my grandma that an old woman whom I walked past didn't smile back at me when i smiled at her warmly. Not only that, she pretended she didn't see me -_-" And other such encounters I had include them looking at me weirdly when I smiled at them. I digress. 

What i'm trying to say is that, some of us may need these good people in our lives. They make us feel grounded (in a good way) when we soar too high and forget our roots, how they carry out their daily routine remind us that it is the simple things in life that matters. I was pretty bummed out the whole week that my grades were not as good as I wanted them to be, and being with my grandparents for just a short 2 hours, I get reminded that sometimes grades aren't everything. 

Having goals in life is important. It's sad when I see people have zero ambition in life. Or have ambitions such as "staying home and do nothing while my husband slog it out at work because it is a woman's 'god given right". I try not to judge because hey, ultimately, it's their life. They reap whatever they sow. With respect to the topic at hand, i'm reminded that living life in a good honest way is also important. My grandparents always encourage us to pray, study hard and earn an honest living, and never forget to be filial to our parents. And the rest will fall into place for us, god willing. If we're contented with what we have, it makes life so much beautiful and meaningful :) 

Bloody Honor

Last week I read an article that angered me very much. It was about a girl buried alive in an 'honor killing', for talking to boys. Without repeating too much of the article, it happened in a Kurdish village in the southern part of Turkey.

We hear about these sort of killings every few weeks in the news. Usually, the murder is carried out by stabbing or shooting the victim. This time, the family were too cowardly to kill her by their own hand, so to preserve their so-called honor, they buried her alive under the chicken coop.

I can't imagine how terrified she must have been as the dirt covered her head, and how she must have panicked when she tried to breather and had her lungs filled with dirt instead of air.

Because of the manner of this killing, I expected various online and public forums to light up, looking for someone or something to blame. As expected, the usual suspects came up. Religion and culture. People were blaming one or the other. Unfortunately, the religion that gets blamed is Islam, even though this sort of action would result in the father and grandfather receiving capital punishment for their actions. The highest penalty now in Turkey is life without parole. Many would consider this a light sentence considering what they've done.

Simply blaming religion or culture doesn't help. It's a nice mental exercise, like debating whether the chicken or egg came first, but is really not going to help. If anything, attacking the culture or faith of someone makes them fight back against you even harder, and they become harsher in their actions.

I did some research on this phenomena, and found a group called Kurdish Women Action Against Honor Killing. Turkey has 400 murders a year, half of them are 'honor killings', most of them amongst the Kurdish population. This idea of honor is so ingrained into them, even Kurds living in Germany and the UK carry out this action. Apparently clans are very strong in Kurdish culture. If the clan decides the girl is bringing the family into disrepute, they will tell the father to kill her. If he doesn't he will either lose his honor or the clan leaders will kill the whole family instead.

But not all Kurds are like this, KWAHK is a Kurdish organistion trying to stamp this crime out, so to blame Kurdish culture is not correct.

I found this quote interesting on the KWAHK homepage (about a different case):

"I mean, I know it's a crime. We all know he's a killer," Ahmed said. "But he was very proud, and what he did . . . well, how could he accept his daughter's behavior?"

He's inadvertently acknowledging that pride/arrogance and intolerance are the issues here. Arrogant and intolerant in believing that his way is the only way.

This doesn't seem to be the whole answer though. Why are they only killing the girls and not the boys? If it's so wrong for boys and girls to mix, why is the girl the dishonorable one? It's a Kurdish village, so the boys were probably Kurdish too.

My guess is that it's the kind of mindset that believes that you have automatic authority through things you have no control over, like being male, or the first born, or the family you're born into. If you have enough people in one area that subscribe to this view it becomes the culture of the place. Somehow, being born male allows you to be a proper jerk, but do the 'honorable' acts and you'll be left alone. Because you have 'honor'. Women are expected to be good and obedient, because the honorable man knows better. If he's the eldest, he knows even better than other men. Like what this Pakistani man did in the UK. He killed his sister because he was angry she had fallen in love with an Afghani.

I think it also stays strong because they don't really have much else going for them. The only thing they have of any real value to them is their 'honor'. Things like a job, house, wealth or any other things we hold as signs of success, they don't have. Only 'honor', and if they lose that, they have nothing. So they protect it.

Another factor which is probably true for the killings in Islamic countries is that the parents do not teach their children about Islam. In fact, they might be very secular, but they still adhere strongly to the culture, because that is what people in the area do. So when the children reach certain ages, the parents suddenly tell them they shouldn't do certain things. No surprise, the children rebel, and the family overreacts by killing the child.

I tend to think these would be the same people that would pull a gun in a fit of road rage. They not mentally stable, especially when angry, and try to justify their actions somehow. Angry people are always provoked you know.

There's many examples of this, not all are 'honor' killings. They are all acts of violence against women though. Sometimes children too. Just one examples from a very different part of the world.

A woman in Nepal is tortured for 2 days after being accused of being a witch.

In fact, witch hunting has been recognized by the UN as becoming more prevalent.

The UN has it's priorities mixed up if you ask me.

In places like Australia, this predatory mindset still exists. It's rejected by the community as a whole, but that doesn't mean it does not happen. There have been cases here where girls have been gang-raped by boys. I use the term boys and girls because nearly everyone involved, victims and perpetrators, were under 20 years of age. One was a group of school boys that shared a similar mindset (or culture), another was a football club. In both cases, the boys lured or invited the girls to follow, and they did. I don't know whether they followed out of fear or naivety, but given the relative safety of Australia, I'll guess naivety.

Some workplaces have this culture as well. A cafe had it's male staff members fined for bullying a female employer to the point that she committed suicide. People would prefer that they be sent to jail, but the magistrate thinks a combined fine of $335k is enough.

I don't think we can really eradicate any action people do. All we can do is minimize the number of incidents. The changes will have to come from inside the community. Us passing comment and judging and forcing change won't work. Support local groups and individuals that try to bring about this change. Treating men as the enemy as feminazis would do won't help either. Men are key to solving this. If a man is beating a woman, and another woman tells him to stop, he will beat her too. If another man tells him to stop, he will think twice before attacking. If there are enough men around that speak up, then the incidents will be reduced.

Someone has to take responsibility for stopping these actions. It might as well be real men.

"How to bluff your way through" 101

I had to give a presentation as part of my assessment for cognitive psychology. My topic was on how cognitive performance can be influenced by biological cycles. My preparation for the presentation was pretty much 11th hour work. This morning I woke up knowing fully well how "ready" I am for presenting the topic. I thought what the hell, I'm just gonna go in there and regurgitate everything that I can recall. I don't have proper training in giving a talk. But one thing is for certain. The trick lies in making it seem like you know your stuff well. That's what professional speakers will tell you. I used to be afraid of speaking in front a bunch of people for fear what comes out of my mouth is incoherent. I still worry about that from time to time but as years passed and as i've been tossed the opportunity to present something occasionally, I'd say I have to agree with the professionals.

And so there I was talking for nearly 40 minutes on a topic that I thought I'd barely make it through the 20 minute mark. Before I bore you with the boring details I'll cut straight to the chase. My prof met up with me afterwards to give his review. He was actually impressed with how comfortable I was up there when giving the talk. He said he liked it that I smiled occasionally and showed much enthusiasm for the topic I was given.

Firstly. Thank you God.

Secondly. I do like smiling. I smile and laugh alot actually. No doubt I'd have wrinkles before i even reach 35. That's not the point. I smile more when i'm nervous. I tend to talk more and with much gusto especially when I know i'm running out of things to talk. I guess that comes off as confidence and enthusiasm to my prof. I think if I had said oranges grow on apple trees, he'd believe me!

God knows I was really nervous before the talk. Kept thinking if my audience will catch my bluff, which I think some of them did. But oh well, the person assessing my presentation seems to be taken in and that's what matters at the end of the day right?