Mental Vomit

I came across the following as I was blog-hopping. 

"You suppress something inside, you push it down long enough, and it’s usually only a matter of time before the pressure reaches a boiling point, and then that something explodes forth on destructive wings."

If memory (from all those caffeine-drunk nights) serves me correctly, the above is one example of Anger-in (i.e. the person internalizes his/her anger) and when such pent up emotions are brimming, said person starts opposing.

This is me. Most of my life, for as far back as I can remember, all I know is opposing. When i'm forced to do something out of guilt or "because I said so", i'd oppose it. When i'm forced to say something I don't deem as right, i'd oppose. When i'm forced to behave according to others' desires, i'd oppose. When i'm forced to go somewhere, i'd oppose. I've gotten so used to swimming ferociously against the waves...that I fail to recognize that not all waves are of the same force. And not all waves will drag me down to the seabed like a rusty anchor.

Like how an individual is suspicious of strangers, or is always looking back to see if anyone's following, or even holding up his/her arms in a defensive stance when someone wants to envelope them in a hug - opposing is a natural reflex  for me. A defense mechanism of some sort that i've developed as I age.

Picture courtesy of the Internet? 

I see myself sometimes as a caged bird yearning to soar up high or like a free-spirited horse, unbridled. Any actions by others that show the slightest hint of control, I'd sprung up like a ninja - ready to battle. 

And that ladies and gentlemen, is not healthy. Or fair to others whose intentions are not to chain, but rather to liberate yet be grounded on rational levels. 

My field of study teaches me that a learned behavior can be unlearned. And God knows there's a lot unhealthy traits that I need to unlearn. 

First on the list would be to swear off swearing. I'm someone who usually almost always only (read this three times for further emphasis) swear when i'm really mad. A real lady don't swear, so I read somewhere ~.- But really, I just want to stay off swearing  altogether, though I do foresee momentary relapses here and there. 

Second would be popping chips or snacks when i'm stressed. I developed this habit during my 'O' levels and it got worse a few months prior and during 'A' levels. It even saw me through Uni. 

Third is procrastination. I don't need to explain this one. 

There's a whole list of things. But listing down three is good enough (on the account of my ego). I'd attribute this post to my drunken stupor or some serious reflection since I don't drink.

Good night folks. Wherever you are, I hope you're having a stress-free day. 

New Toys

Difference between men and boys is the size of their toys, and the saying goes. My 'toys' have stayed the same size, they just get better.

Riding was a big thing for me in high school. I'd actually end up doing more kilometers in a year on my bikes than my father did in his car. Bicycles and computers. Those used to be my hobbies. Computers became my work, so I don't have so much fun with that hobby anymore. Distances in Melbourne and Auckland as well as time stopped me from doing my other hobby.

Last month we had the end of financial year sales. It's probably the only sale all year were you get genuine bargains. So I took the chance to get myself a new bike, mainly to cover the 35 kilometers I ride to work a bit more quickly and comfortably and get back into my favorite hobby again..

This is my new bike, a 2009 Apollo Otway. It's actually named after the mountain range that has some of my favorite roads.

It's got aluminium frame, a carbon fork and seat post ...

Shimano 105 components, Shimano R500 wheels, Michelin Dynamic tyres and Easton handlebars and headset. The pedals are an old set of VPD clipless pedals that I've had for about 8 years now. They came off my old Schwinn Moab. They're not really meant for road use, but work much better in traffic.

The geometry of the bike is also setup more for touring than racing, perfect for commuting.

That's my 'dashboard'. The silver unit is a VDO X1DW which I got specifically for the bike. The orange unit is a Polar RS300X heart rate monitor. I can wear it on my wrist if I choose to, like when out running. It's hard to read it from your wrist when you're on a bike though, so I got the bike mount for it. The VDO monitors the bike, the Polar monitors me.

This isn't replacing my old bike. My old mountain bike will become a weekend bike for riding on the trails.

My 'old' bike, a 2001 Schwinn Moab 3. Hard to believe it's nearly 10 years old, it still rides very well. It's sitting on an indoor trainer I got in New Zealand. The bike itself was bought in South Africa. The photo is of the bike with its road tyres on, Schwalbe Marathons. I've also got a set of semi-slicks for mixed terrain (Continental Goliaths) and also a set for full off-road riding (IRC Mythos)

Not as well specced as the Apollo, it's all aluminium components (frame and seat post) and a Rock Shox Jett suspension fork. The fork is very heavy, even by the standards of 2001.

It's got a full set of Shimano Deore components. Pedals again are from an older bike, my 1997 Giant Rincon, which I still have but is in the garage in an unrideable state. The pedals are single sided VPD clipless pedals. I bought them in 1999 in South Africa. They were my 'training' pedals so I could get used to slotting myself in and out of the pedals.

The handlebars and headset are new, but the rest of the parts are still originals. I had to replace the handlebars because I bent them slightly in a off-road racing accident.

The 'dashboard' appears simpler because I never mounted the Polar on the handlebars. I preferred keeping it on my wrist when mountain biking. The bike computer is a VDO Cytec C10, about 8 years old.

Cycling to work is a bit of a family tradition with us. My maternal great-grandfather did it, my maternal grandfather did it, my uncle used to do it and now I'll be picking it up again. In high school I used to cover more kilometers by bike than my father did in his car. I think I can do that again too.

Ancient Structures I'd like to visit

All the structures I'll be writing about have a great history behind them. That is actually a given, since a structure rarely survives unless it has some importance. This happens either because people maintain it over the years, or it is built from the best materials available. There's something other than great history that makes these structures attractive to me. I won't talk too much about the places, I'll let the pictures speak for themselves.

The Great Mosque of Cordoba (Spain, 784 CE)

This is actually a cathedral now, and has been for a few centuries. Yet it is still called a mosque. This mosque survived the Spanish Recoquista because of it's beauty. It was so too beautiful to knock down. If this building and the Alhambra was not constructed to such a breathtaking standard, there would be very little evidence of Muslims in Spain (Al Andulus). A testament to the craftsmen that built these buildings. Their skill was not only appreciated by people who were ready to drive them out of their homes, but preserved as well. It's in fact a functioning cathedral, yet it's still known as The Great Mosque.

The Alhambra (Spain, 1390 CE)

The Alhambra (the Red One) is a palace/fortress complex in Cordoba. Like the Great Mosque, it too survived the Spanish Reconquista due to it's beauty. The image is of one of the courtyards. Residents of the Alhambra would lounge on the marble area (on cushions of course). The pool in the middle was meant to be viewed from this point of view. From this view, the walls would be reflected in the water, and it would give the impression that the palace was in fact floating on water. The angle of the photo is a little too high, but you can see how the furthest wall is perfectly reflected in the pool.

Machu Picchu (Peru, 1400 CE)

The setting for this city lost in the mountains is spectacular. It's amazing to think that people were able to build and live in places like this. There's no open fields to grow crops, but they knew how to grow crops in the mountains. They even had methods to get the crops accustomed to the thinner air of the mountains. I think with Machu Picchu, the lush mountains attract me as much as the Machu Piccu itself.

Petra (Jordan, 1550 BCE)

An entire city carved into the mountains. I don't think there's a stronger material available than a whole mountain. Petra makes Mount Rushmore look amateurish.

Chichen Itza (Mexico, 600CE)

These pyramids, some so large early explorers didn't even realize they were on a man made structure, were built by a savage race that performed human sacrifice (according to the Spanish of the time). Actually that doesn't make them that different to the Romans with their gladiatorial games. The engineering prowess is quite obvious of both civilizations too. It's a pity all the knowledge of the Mayans was destroyed. At least they left behind a legacy that we can still appreciate and study, in the hope that we eventually re-discover all their lost knowledge.

Taj Mahal (India, 1653 CE)

Built by the Muslim Mughals of India, it shows some similarites with the Alhambra and Great Mosque of Cordoba all the way over in Spain. The similarities being the geometrical complexity and precision with which the structures were built, as well as it's use of water to harmonise the complex. It's actually an expression of an Islamic way of thinking, but expressed within the culture of the people. This is unmistakably Indian as well as Islamic. A proof that Islamic culture is not necessarily synonymous with Arabic culture.

Excuses

It's pretty easy to avoid doing something you know you should, because we always seem to find some reason not to do it. I've stopped calling them reasons, and started calling them excuses. That alone helps me to stop waiting for 'perfect' conditions.

For awhile now I've not been riding to work. I got a nice list of excuses too.

1. It's a 2 hour bike ride.
2. It's winter so cold and can be wet
3. I work shifts 7:30am to 3:30pm, 10am to 6pm or 11:30am to 7:30pm. With sunrise at around 6 and sunset at 5:30 I'd always be in the dark.
4. I don't have the right equipment, no strong lights, no rain gear.
5. I only commute one way in a day, so I only use it to go into the office that day, or I leave it there overnight and take it home the next day. Making alternate travel arrangements so I can ride is inconvenient.
6. If I'm going to be riding, I'd better have a proper meal. Not always easy to do while you're working. I'd need a good lunch and dinner.

This week, I decided that I'm going to ride again. I'm on the 11:30am start shift, so riding in was no problem. I did that on Wednesday, took the train home and arranged to be picked up from the station.

Thursday I was just chatting as usual and someone asked if I'm going to be riding home Friday night. I said I might try, but I don't really have a good night light. Also it's going to be cold and dark, so I'll take him home Monday afternoon. Perfectly reasonable excuses.

Well, the darkness part got taken care of for me. My manager went round to his desk and gave me a night lighting system he'd stored there for over a year. I was excited cos I'd never had a night lighting system before, and I was curious to see how well it worked. So I made the promise to myself that I was going to ride home Friday night.

Friday presented plenty of opportunity to excuse myself from riding. First I overslept, then it looked like the weather would turn sour. Not long after, I couldn't find a secure place to keep the car overnight. Later I had problems with my pass that lets me into the building. The very last thing that could stop me was the weather again. It was a cold day, and there was already splashes of light rain before I left.

But ride I did, and this ride turned out to be on of my more memorable rides. I did get caught in a brief downpour, and it was drizzling most of way. Yet, the whole ride was fun, and not even slightly miserable. While I was on the road, I started thinking about how many other things I should be doing but don't because of excuses. I promised myself I'd not let these excuses stop me anymore, I'd just find a way around them. Just that intention gets me started on the task already, so the chances of me following through to the end are quite good.

I plan on riding tomorrow morning. I have to leave at 5:30am, temperature should be around 5 degrees Celsius. I'll have a struggle overcoming the biggest excuses ever ...

It's cold outside and my bed is so soft and warm and comfortable :-P.

Musing Monday: I'm gonna tape you, tear duct.

My biggest weakness is my tear duct. Some movies move me to the extent I feel like I'm Rose and I had to friggin-promise Jack that i'll live my life before letting him sink. (Or remember that one scene in Titanic where an old couple was on the bed waiting for their fate?) Envision a broken dam. Yes, that's how it is. Like Titanic, I was a wreck. I was tearing up watching the movie and come the ending, I was bawling like a baby.

Good things about movies or television shows that move me: 

• I'm human and can still feel these emotions 
• Sometimes they make me think about reality and the lesson learned from it. Example: In the movie The Notebook, Noah worked so hard to be with Allie and finally when they're together, a few years later she has Alzheimer's. Life is such, we're engineered to work hard to get what we want, and when we eventually got it....
• There are still people who produce such good material. I don't know what I'd do if there are more reality shows like The Survivor. Reality shows like Amazing Race, i'm alright with it. But I think The Survivor showcases the ugly side of people. The hypocrisy is unbearable for me. 

Bad thing about movies or television shows that move me: 

• You don't want people to think that you broke up with your boyfriend/girlfriend just the night before. 

Some of us find it cute, but the one whose dam was broken may not necessarily agree. Especially when we're in public and in clear view of other people. Which is why I prefer watching movies alone in the comforts of my room where I can easily access the tissue box.

Five for Friday: Kitty Kat Persuasion Techniques

Cats get what they want. They're pretty good at persuading us. They probably on par with a 2 year old child. It just doesn't feel right that I have to match wits and wills with a cat.

This is mine. His name is Mr. Chips. Yes he's cute and cuddly, but that's just part of his trick.

They usually do this when you're busy. Otherwise you'd probably give the cat what it wants without too much trouble.

1. Staring - This is how cats let you know they want something. They just sit and stare at you. You might try a staring contest with the cat, but you will lose. They will stare at you long after you've given up.

2. Meowing - This is usually combined with staring. He'll make a short sharp meow to get your attention. Don't look! You'll get locked into another staring contest. If you don't look, he'll meow more and longer. Sometimes he'll let out a meow that sounds exactly like a child crying. At this point most people jump up quickly. There's something about a child crying that really impacts people, and cats know this!

3. Jumping on table - If you manage to not give in to the meowing, the cat starts getting spiteful. Not many people allow cats on their tables and cats know this. So this is exactly what they do next! They jump on the table leaving hair and paw prints everywhere. It's especially annoying if you have a black glass desk -.-. Most people would jump up now to throw the cat off the table. If you just throw him off and go back to what you were doing, guess what kitty cat does. He jumps up on the table again. Not unlike this:

4. Knocking items off the table - Cats never knocks items off tables, unless they want to. If you ignore them on the table, they'll knock items off. Usually small things. If that doesn't work, larger items like cups. They know this will work. No one likes having their stuff moved, let alone thrown onto the floor.

5. Biting - The last resort. Your beloved pet is now going to inflict some pain on you. It's just a 'soft' bite, or a very light scratch. Hard enough to leave marks, not hard enough to break the skin. You WILL jump up now.

It doesn't matter how far down this list they get, when you eventually give in, cats give you an innocent look and cheerful meow, making you wonder why you're a bit irritated with him right now.

Musing Monday: Technology - a blessing or a curse?

I realized i'm so dependent on technology that if any one of the 'essentials' were to be cut from my life, I might hyperventilate and go into withdrawal. It. is that. bad. Please don't judge me when you read the following.  

1. The first thing I do every morning is reach for Bailey Blackberry. I swear upon my Grey's Anatomy that it's one of the most powerful gadget I've ever owned. I think I spend nearly 45 minutes in bed after waking up just to catch up on feeds from blogs that i subscribed, read the news, quickly browse through the twitter updates, and check up on the people I stalk  on Facebook. If that isn't enough to make me sound like a psycho-gadget-freak, throughout the day my heart skips a beat whenever I see the red LED light on Bailey. 
2. After I'm officially off the bed, the second thing I do is turn on my laptop and the radio. Yes it may not sound 'essential' enough to some of you but it has become such a habitual act that I feel stripped of something when I don't have music playing in the background and my laptop isn't switched on. Don't judge y'all. 
3. After I step out of the house, third thing I'd do is plug in my mp3. Like I said, I need music in the background. I like being immersed in music and getting lost in my head. Though sometimes, it's caused me some awkward moments. Like the time I was staring into space while being sooo absorbed in my music (I blame Celine Dion's I Surrender) and when I finally snapped out of it, I realized I was actually staring at someone's crotch. And she was staring, no glaring, she was glaring at me. Yeah. The things I do to myself. 

The few mentioned above are just one of the many things I absentmindedly do that reinforces my attachment to technology. I'm not entirely a modern person. There are things that I like in their original state. Like my books and novels. I like holding the book while reading, I like the feel of the pages underneath my finger tips, and I like the musty paper smell when I flip the page. In other words, neither the iPad nor HP tablet nor the Blackberry Tablet that they are making now will rock my boat. I'm old-fashioned when it comes to books. So what do you think - blessing or curse?